It’s been about a week since I got back from PPC Classroom Live down in LA.

Since then, I’ve had time to mull over and consider some of the things I’ve learnt, and to really process both what happened at the event and the shifts that I’ve had in my own thinking. There are two parts to this post: 1) Paradigm shifts, and 2) Some thoughts I had about how to improve my networking skills.

Paradigm Shifts

The biggest paradigm shift for me was this: life is a numbers game. All the speakers mentioned it at some point, though none them actually stated it outright. This got me thinking - why is this?

Well, the simple answer is social conditioning. As human beings living in the modern world, we are socially conditioned to believe that we only have one shot to get things right and that we *must* get it right the first time. It’s possible to just label this as a case of perfectionism, but there’s more to it. As I thought back on where I had acquired this notion that we only get one opportunity to get things perfect, I realised why the idea was so ingrained in my mind… it’s because of school.

Consider for a moment, what you went through at school. Sure, the first year or so is fun - you’re meeting new people, you’re in a new environment. But then it begins. First, it’s a spelling test. And then, you’re reading out your multiplication tables in front of the class… and what happens when you get something wrong? You get a disapproving look from your teacher. And all your supposed “friends” laugh at your mistakes. It’s no wonder that the concept of “get it right the first time or else…” is so prevalent in most people’s minds.

I remember one particular incident from when I was in third grade. I had a running tally with a really good friend of mine at the time - to get 100% in every single spelling test from kindergarten through to the end of primary school (elementary school for you American folk). And we did… until the third grade. There was one test where my friend made one mistake. What was his response? He broke down. He cried. He bawled his eyes out. He was crushed. Why? Because he made one, little, tiny mistake in an otherwise perfect streak of “I got it right the first time, every time”.

Obviously, as children, we didn’t know better. But it continues. Throughout high school, and even into university, there is this notion of having to get things perfect the first time round. The education system revolves around this entire notion. Back in Australia, we have this nice set of exams called the Higher School Certificate. It’s basically a year-long series of tests and “assessments” designed to test one thing - how much we’ve learnt, crammed and remembered, and our ability to regurgitate this so-called “knowledge” during one sitting. As adults, knowing what we know about emotional state and its ability to affect our performance at any given time… can anything be more utterly ridiculous?

You get… one chance otherwise it’s all over? Yup, completely ridiculous.

It’s no wonder, that if you fast-forward 5, 10, 15 years you’ll see grown adults repeating the same pattern in their everyday lives: they prepare, prepare, prepare, worry, prepare, worry some more, prepare and then prepare yet again… for that one opportunity get it “perfect”. If you’re reading this you’ve probably realised that the real world doesn’t work this way - there’s no need to get it right the first time. If you mess up, just go back and fix it - and it doesn’t really matter what “it” is… it could be your relationship, it could be a project at work, it could be your golf swing.

Tied back into the world of online marketing, success is a numbers game. The more things you test and experiment with, the greater your chances of hitting a home-run campaign or business idea. Most people (myself previously included) strive for perfection - we spend days, weeks, months developing the “perfect” website and marketing campaign… only to have it fall to pieces. Instead, what if we had spent that time testing 10, 20, 30, 40 “quick and dirty” marketing campaigns…. our chances of finding something that works just went up exponentially.

Networking

The coolest people at the conference =)

Speaking of numbers games, let’s look at how networking at the event unfolded. Upon returning home, I had a stack of about 30 business cards. Of those, I could place faces and personal details to about 20 of them. And so… I sat down, and wrote out a short, personal email to all 20 of them. I got about 8 replies. A 40% hit rate, it’s not that bad I suppose.

I honestly believe that if someone writes you a personal email, you should take the time to respond to them. It just seems rude not to. But I may be wrong. Or I may be right

Rather than getting annoyed, I asked myself some questions instead, most notably: what can be done to improve on that percentage?

In most social interactions, when something goes wrong it’s usually because of some factor or variable that happened 5-10 minutes before. In this case, replies (or no replies) to emails can be traced back to the initial interaction and exchange of business cards at the event, so let’s look at that first.

Most of my conversations at the event were standard for a business conference: Hi, my name is Aaron. I do this. What do you do. Cool. What did you think of speaker XYZ. Nice. Great to meet you. Here’s my card. Bye.

Now that I look back on it, that’s shockingly bad. It breaks almost every rule of having a good and social conversation… no wonder only 40% of people I emailed replied!

What’s interesting is the people who did reply. The conversations were very, very different. Sure, there was the initial chitchat and standard business-speak. But then there was more. There was talk of sports, of women (online marketing is a male-dominated industry, what can I say?), of current affairs, of cars, of travel. There was an exchange of good emotions (more on this below). These are all parts of a broader concept: contextual value. The theory goes something like this: when you meet someone, you are meeting in one context. Within that context, there is likely a value differential between you and the other person.  This alone will usually determine how responsive they are to you, or how responsive you are to them. However, if the conversation jumps to a different context (particularly one where you are an expert), then a strange thing happens. All of a sudden, the value dynamic changes: in the initial context, the other person may have had more value than you. But in the new context, you suddenly have more value than them. Now, you have a mutual respect for each other, and the chances that you will stay in touch just increased dramatically.

There’s my first takeaway from the experience: try to jump into at least one different context in every business conversation I have.

Next up, is the idea of good emotions. The ability to make people around you feel cheerful and happy is a form of value giving. There’s something that needs to be said about the online marketing world: most people aren’t very social. To be fair, a typical “day job” for an online marketer usually involves sitting in front of a laptop and typing and looking at numbers all day. To go out and actually… meet… people…!?!?!

So, the ability to make others feel accepted and welcome and “happy” isn’t that far a stretch for most people, especially at an online marketing conference. However, something that I’ve realised, is that this effect is mostly momentary. In person, communication is much more than words. It involves body language, unconscious markers, and the two billion plus bits of information that the brain is bombarded with when you’re talking to someone else. In that context, people are much more responsive, and a lot friendlier. However… here’s an interesting theory I had. Once out of a person-to-person interaction, a person’s conditioned programming takes over instead. Suddenly, that really interesting person you were talking to in person doesn’t seem as interesting. Why? A couple of reasons. The first, is the channel through which you are now communicating with that person - email. Email is pure text - there are no nonverbal cues to pick up on or any visual anchors to remind people of the emotional state they were in around you. Next, is the computer itself serving as an anchor. Most online marketers have feelings of control, grandiose and power linked to their computer - it is after all, where their livelihood and the majority of their value comes from… it is their domain. All of a sudden, that cool and interesting person is contacting them through their world… and in that world, there is no memory of good emotions attached that person - there is only yet-another email full of annoying text.

Tying this back to the concept of what to do during the initial interaction, there’s a simple way around this: inside jokes. Make a personal observation during the initial interaction, and create some sort of concrete visual or verbal anchor that can be easily recalled over email later on. I think this alone, would make my networking email response rates double.

EDIT: I just thought of another concept that would be helpful here: commitment. But there’s way, way way too much to write about that… and this post is getting a little long.

Now let’s look at the actual email sent out itself.

I took the time to sit down and write out personal emails. This is what Keith Ferrazzi recommends, and I personally think it’s a good thing to do. Certain other people though, have other ideas. I did receive a couple of generic-and-obviously-sent-to-everyone-style emails. You know, the sort that go “Hi, my name is XYZ, we met. Here’s a bit about me, here’s how to get in touch with me”. It’s all me, me, me, me, me… I’m promoting ME!

Sure, that gets a response. But also sets up a very commercial and non-personal frame. Would I keep in touch with those people? Sure. Would I do business with them? Maybe. Would I ever do a personal favour for them? Heck no.

There is one thing out of that approach though that I am stealing now and forever: facebook. I’ve noticed something about most people: they crave attention. This is not necessarily a good or a bad thing, but it fits in nicely with the concepts of networking that I’ve discussed here. From now on, I am adding my facebook profile link to every networking email I send out. Why? Well… let me ask you this: who doesn’t like having more friends on facebook? Seriously. Everyone loves to say “oh yeah, I’ve got 500, 1000, 3000 friends on facebook.” That’s just human nature, and there’s no reason to fight it.

- Aaron P